A beginner’s guide to staycations

With gas prices on the rise and our current rocky financial climate, many American families are forgoing vacations this summer.

This really isn’t surprising — after all, it isn’t smart (or prudent) to waste a few thousand dollars on a tropical cruise or a trip to Europe when you’re having difficulties making your mortgage payments.

While the credit card companies would be more than happy to float you the money in advance, if you’re already paying 22 percent interest on your balance, that cruise could end up costing you more than a new Toyota Prius.

In response to our newfound frugality, a new word has entered the American vocabulary: the “staycation.” I have a feeling this word is going to stick, just like the terms Brangelina and TomKat that were plastered on the front of the magazines for what seemed like an eternity — not even William Shakespeare in his day had such a close following.

Anyway, watching the Today Show, I just saw an entire segment devoted to staycations — which are like vacations, only you tailor your activities and outings close to home, instead.

If you think about it, this is a pretty good idea. As we live in California, we’re lucky to have many tourist destinations close at hand. Besides that, we have several local amusements at our disposal, too.

I recently went to see “Stomp” at the Gallo Center for the Arts in Modesto. It was a great outing, and it’s especially fabulous to have such a facility nearby.

Here in Patterson, too, we have a theatre company — the Patterson Repertory Theatre — that puts on plays and productions for the community. It’s important to support such local enterprises, and it won’t break the bank — tickets average $6 at the Rep, which is cheaper than a movie ticket. If you’d like more information about the Patterson Repertory, visit their Web site at http://www.pattersonrep.org.

Of course, there are additional activities that are free or cost very little. One of my favorites is having a game night with family or friends. As you probably already have board games like Monopoly, Pictionary and Clue gathering dust in your closet, you should make use of them. There is definitely something satisfying about being the first to discover that Professor Plum murdered Mr. Boddy in the Conservatory with the Candlestick.

You can also join or start a book club. While most books only run about $15 at local bookstores, you can borrow a copy for free at the library. Reading is good for the brain and your neurons. Besides, it’s also wise to give your thumbs a break from all the hours you secretly play Wii.

Whether you enjoy a vacation or a staycation this summer, hope you make some lasting memories. I know I have some big plans for the summer … I have my eye on purchasing some railroads and a hotel on St. Charles Place.

Happy Summer!

My official economic recovery plan

It’s very important to have an open dialogue with our elected officials, since we have a duty to share our opinions and views. Nobel Prize-winning writer Günter Grass once said, “The job of a citizen is to keep his mouth open.”

So, with that in mind, I decided to write to the big “O” (that would be President Obama, not Oprah) with my thoughts on potential additions to the economic recovery plan. While I may not have a degree in economics, I hope I offered some things for him to think about.

To encourage you to also write to your elected officials — both local and national — on issues you care about, I’ve included a copy of my letter here:

Dear Mr. President,

Hi, there. Hope things are going well over in Washington — and I hope that Joe Biden isn’t too much of a pain. If his mouth gets him into trouble again, you can always employ the use of duct tape (I’m sure the CIA still has some left in storage from all the waterboarding).

Anyway, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about our current financial situation, and I have some ideas to share with you. If you decide to make use of any of them, I don’t need any credit or acknowledgement. In fact, you don’t even have to pay me — just have Bank of America toss me an executive bonus.

Without further ado, let’s get started. Here are my top five suggestions on how you can stimulate the economy quickly and raise much-needed capital:

1. Secretly convert the new White House Kitchen Garden into a marijuana patch. With the income that generates, you’ll be able to float Chrysler for at least three to four more months.

2. Sell Texas. I’m not sure we even need it, anyway.

3. Rent out the Lincoln Bedroom to the highest bidder — those Middle Eastern sheiks have more cash than they know what to do with.

4. Encourage the corporate sponsorship of various national parks and landmarks. For example, the Washington Monument could be renamed Kellogg’s Washington Monument, and Yellowstone Park could become MasterCard Park. This could be very lucrative.

5. Convince the world you have a cure for swine flu. Manufacture the “cure” and charge China double to buy it.

I have additional ideas, too. So if you need any more, just ask.

Good luck!

(This message will self-destruct in 30 seconds.)

The Supreme Courtship

As Patterson is 2,382 miles away from Washington, D.C., it’s easy to feel disconnected from what is happening there. It can feel like all the politicians’ harping and yakking doesn’t really have anything to do with our everyday lives — much like watching two piranhas fight over a particularly swampy bit of swamp.

Nonetheless, it’s important to at least pay nominal attention to what is happening. I’m not saying you have to do something drastic like forego “American Idol” to watch C-SPAN.

For those of you who don’t know C-SPAN, it’s a channel which airs probably the most boring programming you’ll ever see on television. Who needs a sleeping pill when you can watch a meeting of the Congressional Committee on Standards of Official Conduct? After five minutes, you’ll be sleeping like a baby.

Anyway, on occasion there are some goings-on that are definitely worth listening to — and Washington is gearing up for just such an occasion. I’m not talking about the buzz over the White House Kitchen Garden’s first harvest (although I do hope the heirloom tomatoes are sufficiently plump). Rather, I’m referring to the imminent selection of a new justice to serve on the Supreme Court.

With Justice David Souter’s intent to retire, the president must select someone to fill the vacancy. As most justices serve for many years, an opening on the court doesn’t occur very often. Most presidents are fortunate to be able to name one or two justices during their time in office — although poor Jimmy Carter didn’t get to appoint a single judge (at least he has his Nobel Peace Prize to comfort him).

As much of the focus of government power tends to be on Congress and the presidency, the importance of the judicial branch (i.e., the Supreme Court) is often unheralded. But the court serves a critical purpose — its justices are the stewards of the Constitution, the laws and, by extension, our American ideals.

If the Supreme Court finds a law passed by Congress or an executive order made by the president to be unconstitutional or against the principles of our government, it can overturn it. Such judicial authority is not to be underestimated.

In the history of the United States, there have been 110 Supreme Court justices. And with the exception of Thurgood Marshall, Sandra Day O’Connor, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Clarence Thomas, all justices have been “old white guys.” With the diverse fabric our nation’s people, I hope the court will evolve to be more diverse over time, too. I am quite hopeful that it will.

Until then, I have C-SPAN to lull me to sleep.

Distracting my way to happiness

In an earlier column, I challenged readers to try to find happy moments during these uneasy times. It’s hard to not let the depressing and sad news events get to us — especially when it seems lately that all news is depressing and sad. But there are some gems of goodness out there that will distract you; all it takes is a determination to find them.

I’ve made it my mission, recently, to do just that.

A good way to get your mind off of things is to start by doing some spring cleaning. For example, I decided to reorganize my desk and throw away old audio cassette tapes in my cabinet that have outlasted their usefulness or don’t work anymore. The staying power of 1980s cassettes is dismal — not even Botox can keep the tape fibers from turning wrinkled and saggy. I did save The Chipmunks’ Christmas album, though. That one’s a keeper.

When I got tired of cleaning, luckily, the news media gave me a few happy stories on which to cleave. For starters, there’s that way cool Navy rescue of Richard Phillips, the merchant captain held hostage by pirates off the coast of Somalia. That story kept me occupied for days. Not only did I get to practice my pirate impersonation (Arrrrr!), but I also brushed up on my East African geography. So it was a win-win.

The news dearth left by the pirate story was filled by the biggest news story of all: President Obama’s new puppy. While his daughters named the puppy Bo, I decided to affectionately call him Bobama. Even though I probably should have wished for the biggest news story of the week to be something more important than a puppy, I decided not to care.

Learning about the hypoallergenic qualities of the Portuguese water dog was much more interesting than discussing the state of the world economy. Besides, watching the little rascal cavort on the White House lawn was just too darned cute. By “rascal” I mean the puppy, not the president.

Lastly, in my quest for distraction, I decided to join Twitter. I’m still trying to figure out how it works, though. For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, Twitter is an online social networking site that is the newest “thang.” Even Oprah tweets. And, you know, if Oprah is on the bandwagon, it’s destined to be twitterific.

Anyway, I hope your quest for distraction has been as successful as mine has been. If you still find extra time that needs filling and are tired of watching clips of Bo the First Puppy on the evening news, check out my Twitter page at www.twitter.com/elizabette81.

I try to keep my puppy references to a minimum.

Warning: Donkey Flu!

I had previously likened the Republican Party of recent days to the Titanic-- big, old and clumsy. But, I like Colbert's analogy better...

Colbert's AntiGay Marriage Ad.

Colbert is the master.

Tea Party Tyrannies.

Love The Daily Show. Love John Oliver.

The Return of the Lone Star... Republic?

The uber-conservative governor of Texas, Rick Perry, has been thumbing his nose and just about everything lately. In addition to trying to blow off the stimulus plan, he's also suggested that Texas can and may secede from the Union and become its own country. (See HERE.)

I think someone has been slipping the crazy juice into Rick Perry's Fruit Loops.

Twilight Feeeeeeeever!

Okay, so I promised myself that I wouldn't get swept away by this recent Twilight craze. When I would hear of teens and tweens swooning over the books and movie, I thought to myself, "Laaaame."

But, I succumbed.

I picked up the first book, Twilight, from the library, and was soon hooked. Now I've just finished reading the entire series. I haven't loved a book series this much since Harry Potter.

Flix of the Week

Brought to my mailbox by the folks at

Doubt - In a Catholic elementary school in the Bronx, Sister Aloysius (Meryl Streep) begins to have doubts about one of the priests, Father Flynn (Philip Seymour Hoffman), who seems to have become overly involved in the life of a young African American pupil. Amy Adams (with an Oscar nominated role) steals the show with her portrayal of an innocent young nun.

• Recommended?: Yes! Very great movie.
  

The Reader - Michael Berg (Ralph Fiennes) reflects on the formative sexual relationship he had with older woman Hanna Schmitz (Kate Winslet, in a Golden Globe- and Oscar-winning role) as a young teenager in this poignant drama set in post-World War II Germany.

• Recommended?: Great, great movie. Although, Kate Winslet does flash a lot of nudity-- not all of it is truly necessary to the story. Although, Kate looks great, of course!
  

Adam Lambert Rules!

Here's Adam's April 7th performance... Lots of folks may have missed it because their DVRs didn't catch the final 5 minute runover...

Kinky Cereal.

I just heard that an Oregon company had to order new packaging for its Peace Cereal after a typo on the box sent callers to a phone sex line instead of the cereal maker's 800 number. Callers were greeted by a recorded voice asking, "Do you love sex? ... Isn't that why you called?"

Kinky.